THIS ONE'S FOR GLEN

I’ve been back in Canada one month. Why does it seem so much longer? I have been happy since my return which causes me to question my relationship. Why should I be so happy when facing a five (now four) month separation from my dear wonderful Glen. Yet, I know I am exactly where I need to be right now. Something fundamental in me has shifted—I am calmer than I have ever been doing a production job and I am facing the future full of excitement rather than fear. I need time on my own before I move into my final commitment to Glen. This is my transition time from living alone in Toronto to living in a long term committed relationship with Glen somewhere in the world. After all these years of being single, I no longer have to face life alone. I have started reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert and there could not be a more perfect book for me right now! Sometimes the parallels of her relationship with a foreigner cut very close to the bone.

I drove to Michigan over the Easter weekend. That long boring drive down the 401 Highway always gives me great thinking time. Without being able to tune into CBC radio along the way—when Toronto reception gets bad, it’s on to the London station and then to Windsor—the drive would be unbearable. Yet, there are also times when I turn it off and simply think. I heard a woman on the radio quote her late husband as having said. “You can say ‘I can’ or ‘I can’t’. Either is true.” Talk about words to carry me into the future!

My thoughts are scattered—little snippets of thoughts about the future—love, work, and returning to life in South Africa.. How does one reinvent oneself at age 55??? Yet, the stepping stones are falling into place: Glen is divorced (a fact that continues to sink in); we submitted Glen’s application for Canadian residency; I can get my life partner visa when I return to Joburg; the Emmarentia house is up for sale. All this upheaval makes me look forward with great happiness and expectation to CHANGE. What an exciting time!!!